Resignation

Recently a friend emailed me and she pointed out a contrast between my recent correspondence and that when I first arrived in Cameroon. At first I had given the impression of being completely engaged in my situation, whether positively or negatively, yet somehow I seemed to have become disengaged from all of it - the politics, the work, the social life. I think that to some extent this is true. I've stopped writing here regularly not because of any inherent change in what is happening day to day - what's going on in my life and the lives of others in Yaounde and Cameroon in general has not become any more or less interesting since I got here - rather it is the way I relate to it all that has changed.

Part of this can be put down to the fact that upon arriving in a new place everything seems new and interesting, your senses are alerted by the change, you are forced to think about different things, and you are equally forced to think about familiar things in different ways. After a while that is bound to fade as unfamiliar sights, sounds, thoughts and situations become familiar, and I think that is a natural process (whatever that means). Yet there is an element of it that is unnatural too. There is nothing 'natural' or automatic about my disengagement from my work, for example. It is partly based on real, identifiable discrepancies between my own values, methods and expectations and those of my employers. It is also partly based on other feelings, drives and reactions that I have not (yet?) been able to identify with any degree of sureness. But it is there, and it has become increasingly apparent that it is not going to go away.

The upshot of contemplating these things among others (I will go into more detail in a less public space) is that I have resigned from my position here and will be back in the UK some time in July. In some ways it's sad; it feels too soon to be preparing to come home, there are certain people I will not want to leave, and in fact I am less and less sure that 'home' - in terms of a country or city - is an idea that particularly has resonance at the moment. But there are also so many things to look forward to. I am already looking forward to seeing my family, and it will be good to reconnect with friends around the country and maybe beyond. And it will be good to be able to look forward again, bettered by these experiences and ready to make positive choices for the coming months and years.

I had originally started this entry with just a few little missives about things that have been happening in my life and in Cameroon, but it was too dull to leave as it was. For the sake of posterity, however, here is a slightly modified outline of some of the things that Cameroon and I have been up to recently:

A few weeks ago I went on a crazy run through the outskirts of Yaounde called the 'Hash'. They do it every week in a different part of the region and make a game out of it by putting markers for you to follow, some leading to dead ends and others leading to the right route, which on this occasion led through small rivers, fields of crops, up and down remote muddy hills and through small villages. By the end of it I was a mess and had been bitten/scratched on my legs more than any man should, but the route was beautiful enough to make it worth the effort. A strange feature was that many of the young children we ran past were shouting hello to us in Chinese and shouting 'le Chinois / la Chinoise' instead of the usual 'le blanc / la blanche'.

Speaking of which, it seems that the Chinese are coming to Cameroon, if not quite en masse then something close. A Chinese firm has just won (with heavy government involvement) a huge contract to develop several sports stadiums around the country over the next few years, and another Chinese firm is expected to win the contract for a new deep sea port development. Quite what Cameroon will do with these stadia once they are built I'm not sure, as upkeep and full utilisation of resources are not strengths of this nation. Yaounde already has a large stadium and it certainly wouldn't be amiss to wonder if there aren't more pressing needs to be addressed with this kind of monetary investment. On the bright side, it should create some jobs (although the majority of workers will be Chinese people shipped in to do the job) and it's surely better than nothing, but it's somewhat painful to see such prioritisation when you are in a country with 240,000 children under 17 orphaned by HIV/Aids, poor economic infrastructure, insufficient and inadequate schools and hospitals, and low-paid, corrupt public sector employees. The new deep-sea port, intended for Kribi, will probably have quite an impact if it goes ahead, as it will divert a lot of resources and commercial activity from the current commercial hub and biggest city - Douala - and will drastically change the character of Kribi which is a fairly small fishing town.

More recently I went to the Manengouba mountains with some friends for a long weekend. It was really stunning and nice to get away from 'the city' (I never thought I'd think of Yaounde in that way, but there it is). We stayed in Villa Luciole, which I'd highly recommend for its beauty and home grown food, if not for its 'guides' who left us stranded at the top of a hill for about an hour without telling us where they were going or how long for. At least we had plenty of time to take pictures (see above and below):

Again, it was hard to believe (a) that this is the same country as the dry, arid north and (b) that such beautiful, lush landscape could not provide a basis for greater prosperity. Call these simplistic thoughts if you will, but the variety of Cameroon's landscapes and the extent of its underdevelopment are two things that will stay firmly impressed in my mind as long as I am here, and probably for a good while after. At times it almost felt like we were in rural England, as we meandered through rolling green hills past grazing cattle.

Speaking of cattle, one day recently when I was walking to work I found my path blocked by a herd of said animals. In many places this wouldn't have been surprising, but this was in the relatively upmarket Bastos area where expats live and the roads are paved (no coincidence in those two things of course). Normally all you get is streams of yellow taxis and 4x4s owned by NGOs and international organisations. Speaking of which...

On Friday there was a function (party) at the British High Commissioner's residence (house) in honour of the Queen's birthday. I knew it was likely to be a fancy affair having been informed to wear a suit, but the row of huge, shiny, expensive vehicles lined up in front of the place was really something to behold. Many of them had small diplomatic flags just to the side of the front lights - I saw a fair few Union Jacks as well as the Cameroonian and American alternatives. I had no idea there were that many big, costly cars in all of Cameroon. To see such a conspicuous display of wealth in one place was quite strange. The party itself was good fun as there was a fantastically well-stocked free bar and more or less every expat I know was there. National anthems were sung, food was eaten, drinks were drunk, and the obligitary toast to Paul Biya (President of Cameroon) was met with a gratifying silence. I enjoyed that! Perhaps the Cameroonians present were embarrassed to salute Biya in the presence of so many foreigners, knowing what we all think of him, or perhaps they just weren't feeling that nationalistic. It was the Queen's birthday after all.

Speaking of nationalistic Cameroonians (hmm, starting to struggle now), we went to see the national team play against Cape Verde recently. It was fun even if Cameroon's victory was fairly predictable from the start. Here's a picture of Eto'o, Cameroon's best and most loved player, who could probably get a round of applause for farting they like him that much. Incidentally, Cameroon are up to 13th in the most recent world rankings - impressive.